Quote of the Day
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QUOTE OF THE DAY
For Motivation and Inspiration
"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."
-- Maya Angelou, Poet
There may be something quite reassuring about being with your friends now, but social activities distract you from making progress at work. You can tell that something is happening, but your progress seems to be hidden from sight. Trust your own counsel, even if your inner voice sounds uncertain. The fundamental changes you make today bring positive results if you are patient.
Rejoice in the Lord alway: and again I say, Rejoice Phil.4:4
Thursday, April 10, 2014
Thursday, April 3, 2014
Quote of the Day
Quote of the Day
SCROLLFIELD
QUOTE OF THE DAY
For Motivation and Inspiration
"We all have dreams. But in order to make dreams come into reality, it takes an awful lot of determination, dedication, self-discipline, and effort."
-- Jesse Owens, Olympic Athlete
"Relax and allow affirmations to go through your subconscious mind!"
According to whole brain research, you can learn subjects quite rapidly as a result of deep relaxation and music used in a systemized, organized process. Because of this, it is also possible for you to learn new belief systems using the same techniques.
The process of taped affirmations combines positive affirmations with both music and relaxation. This makes it possible for your mind to accept the affirmations at an accelerated rate, resulting in your desired behavioral change.
SCROLLFIELD
QUOTE OF THE DAY
For Motivation and Inspiration
"We all have dreams. But in order to make dreams come into reality, it takes an awful lot of determination, dedication, self-discipline, and effort."
-- Jesse Owens, Olympic Athlete
"Relax and allow affirmations to go through your subconscious mind!"
According to whole brain research, you can learn subjects quite rapidly as a result of deep relaxation and music used in a systemized, organized process. Because of this, it is also possible for you to learn new belief systems using the same techniques.
The process of taped affirmations combines positive affirmations with both music and relaxation. This makes it possible for your mind to accept the affirmations at an accelerated rate, resulting in your desired behavioral change.
Wednesday, April 2, 2014
Do You Know How To Love?
We read many things about what love is and what it isn't to help
us understand love. But love is not something we can understand from our
mind. Until we experience it, we don't actually know what it is or how
to experience it in our lives.
Is it love when a parent allows a baby to cry and cry, to get them on a schedule or get them to sleep? No!
Is it love when a parent hits a child and says, "I'm doing this because I love you"? Of course not.
Is it love when a spouse gets angry with his or her partner for not wanting to make love, saying, "If you love me, you will have sex with me"? Obviously not.
Yet these people might believe that they are being loving.
If it doesn't feel good and right, then it's not love. (Except for Toughlove, which might not feel good in the moment, but still feels right inside).
This is true both on the inner level and in relationships. When what we tell ourselves and how we treat ourselves feels bad inside, then it's not love. When how someone else is treating us feels hurtful inside, then it's not love.
The sad truth is that most people don't know how to love themselves or others because they have never experienced what love actually is.
Just like you can't describe a color to a blind person, you can't adequately describe love to someone who has never experienced it. We can use many words, such as:
So how do we get an experience of love if we have never experienced it?
Sometimes, we need to be held by a loving person to a get the experience of love. This often happens at my 5-Day Intensives, and participants frequently say, "This is the first time I've ever experienced love," - from both the experience of being lovingly held and from the experience of spending five days feeling fully supported rather than judged. Most people have little experience with being surrounded by the energy of love when with other people.
However, the truth is that we are always surrounded by the energy of love, since love is the energy of the universe. Love is what God is, what Spirit is. When you fully open your heart to loving yourself and others, and to learning moment by moment about loving action toward yourself and others, you open yourself to the experience of love from your Source.
Anita Moorjani, in her book, "Dying To Be Me," shares her near-death experience, where she experienced this profound love. She stated that if she had to sum up her experience in two words, it would be to "love yourself."
It's when you open to learning about loving yourself that you open your heart to allowing in the love of the universe. While it's wonderful and very healing to experience love from another person, you don't need to wait for that to know what love is - you can know directly from the Source of Love. In fact, the more you open to allowing love in from Spirit, the more experiences you will have of sharing love with others.
We can all know in our hearts and souls what love is - when we open to it. When you let it in and feel it in your being, then you will be able to share it. You will know how to love.
Is it love when a parent allows a baby to cry and cry, to get them on a schedule or get them to sleep? No!
Is it love when a parent hits a child and says, "I'm doing this because I love you"? Of course not.
Is it love when a spouse gets angry with his or her partner for not wanting to make love, saying, "If you love me, you will have sex with me"? Obviously not.
Yet these people might believe that they are being loving.
If it doesn't feel good and right, then it's not love. (Except for Toughlove, which might not feel good in the moment, but still feels right inside).
This is true both on the inner level and in relationships. When what we tell ourselves and how we treat ourselves feels bad inside, then it's not love. When how someone else is treating us feels hurtful inside, then it's not love.
The sad truth is that most people don't know how to love themselves or others because they have never experienced what love actually is.
Just like you can't describe a color to a blind person, you can't adequately describe love to someone who has never experienced it. We can use many words, such as:
- It feels safe and nurturing
- It feels full and fulfilling
- It feels happy and joyful
- It feels calm and peaceful
- It feel exciting, alive and vibrant
- It feels light, flowing and creative
- It feel connected and embracing
- It feel fun and pleasurable
- It feels big
So how do we get an experience of love if we have never experienced it?
Sometimes, we need to be held by a loving person to a get the experience of love. This often happens at my 5-Day Intensives, and participants frequently say, "This is the first time I've ever experienced love," - from both the experience of being lovingly held and from the experience of spending five days feeling fully supported rather than judged. Most people have little experience with being surrounded by the energy of love when with other people.
However, the truth is that we are always surrounded by the energy of love, since love is the energy of the universe. Love is what God is, what Spirit is. When you fully open your heart to loving yourself and others, and to learning moment by moment about loving action toward yourself and others, you open yourself to the experience of love from your Source.
Anita Moorjani, in her book, "Dying To Be Me," shares her near-death experience, where she experienced this profound love. She stated that if she had to sum up her experience in two words, it would be to "love yourself."
It's when you open to learning about loving yourself that you open your heart to allowing in the love of the universe. While it's wonderful and very healing to experience love from another person, you don't need to wait for that to know what love is - you can know directly from the Source of Love. In fact, the more you open to allowing love in from Spirit, the more experiences you will have of sharing love with others.
We can all know in our hearts and souls what love is - when we open to it. When you let it in and feel it in your being, then you will be able to share it. You will know how to love.
Tips for Approaching a Woman You Are Attracted To - 3 Tips to Make It Easier
For a lot of guys, there is nothing in the world that they want to avoid more than having to walk up to a woman they don't know and are attracted to and have to try to come up with something to say to spark a conversation. The truth is that most men never really get that good at this, but the ones who do, they are the ones that tend to have a lot more success with women overall and are a lot more likely to end up with a beautiful girlfriend to spend their nights with. If you want to be able to have that kind of experience, keep reading.
Here are 3 tips that will make approaching a woman you are attracted to a LOT easier:
1. Clear your head of thinking that you have to be absolutely phenomenal at approaching a woman.
The idea that you have to craft the perfect approach keeps most guys from just walking up to a woman and that really is half of the battle. All the time that you might spend on trying to come up with the perfect approach would probably be better served in actually making approaches and getting better as you go along. The reality is that experience is always going to be the best teacher when it comes to making successful approaches.
2. Go out with women instead of men when you want to work on approaching women.
Women are a lot more open and friendly when you approach them IF they see you hanging around other women. They don't feel like they have to go into that defense mode that most women do when they think that a guy is trying to pick them up. That's a good thing and it can make approaching a woman seem so much easier. Even better is that if you are with female friends who are looking out for you, they can give you some pointers on what you might want to work on so that your approaches come across being more natural and more appealing.
3. Don't make the mistake of neglecting the way that you smell.
Smells can be offensive and I don't just mean body odor. Having the wrong cologne on can really turn off a woman or having too much on can also do the same. You want to make sure that when you walk up to a woman, she isn't immediately thinking that you smell bad or you smell like you bathed in a tub of cheap cologne.
When you can build up sexual attraction very quickly with a woman, you can make her want you without a lot of effort.
Words Can Hurt
Why is it that in the throngs of arguing we say things to hurt our partner even more than is necessary?
Is it not enough that in the heat of an argument our communication has completely broken down? Do we have to destroy our partner in the process?
What do you do when you've said something you shouldn't have?
So really prevention is far better than the cure here so if there's absolutely no basis of truth behind what you're saying then think before you open your mouth and don't say it at all. Seriously, you must not cross the line into this territory.
But if it's too late and it's already come out of your mouth then there's two categories I'd like to deal with.
1. Saying something that isn't true. (the one you really must avoid)
2. Saying something that is true but you've said it the wrong way or out of context.
1. If you've purposely set out to punish your partner by berating them, but what you've said just isn't true and you know it, then you must retract your statement as soon as possible and apologise.
Recently, I did this to my husband and even before the sentence was completely out of my mouth I knew it wasn't true.
Immediately I retracted what I'd said and even though my husband and I were in the middle of an argument I apologised for saying what I did and asked him to forgive me so we could move on.
We took a 'time-out' and after cooling down we were able to express how we were feeling and we managed to reach a resolution quickly.
2. Now I guess this could be called the lesser of two evils because at least there's an element of truth to it but at the end of the day you're still hurting the one you love. Maybe it was the tone of voice you used or the context it came out in which you didn't mean so if this is the case then some further explanation can assist.
Obviously, you don't want to dig yourself into a bigger hole but it's important that you explain yourself clearly as well. When you're both calm and the heat is out of the argument then try to clarify what you actually mean.
It's imperative you still apologise for the inappropriateness of the comment and then express that you need to elaborate on what you were really feeling.
You could say something like: "I'm so sorry for hurting you by saying that. It wasn't what I meant and I'd very much appreciate you hearing how I really feel about it".
So what if you've been on the receiving end of those hurtful words. How do you get over that tirade of destruction?
Firstly you need to remember that those words were said at the height of an argument. When in the middle of a fight much of the focus is on defending ourselves and winning the battle, rather than the emotions of our partner.
With anger our emotions intensify to the point that our thought process become scrambled. We're unable to think clearly or communicate well and often the boundaries of what is off-limits are crossed.
Does this mean we should forgive everything that's said in this state? Absolutely not! But it does help to explain why it occurs.
What you need to find out and decide whether you absolutely believe it is; Did they mean what they said? And by that I mean is it a belief they have of you all the time or was it something said to hurt you at the time?
If you truly believe it was something said in anger and frustration then it's best for both of you to let it go and move on. We're only human after all and we all make mistakes. If there's genuine remorse and an apology given then let it go.
On the other hand if what was said is a 'deal - breaker' then you really need to reconsider your position in this relationship. I'm not suggesting you up and walk out as soon as somethings been said to hurt you, but you do need to analyse why you're in such a relationship in the first place.
More seriously however, if what was said could be deemed as domestic violence then you definitely need to seek professional help. If your partner is threatening violence on you or your children, is limiting your financial or social freedoms then please seek counselling as soon as possible.
Hope this has helped.
Is it not enough that in the heat of an argument our communication has completely broken down? Do we have to destroy our partner in the process?
What do you do when you've said something you shouldn't have?
So really prevention is far better than the cure here so if there's absolutely no basis of truth behind what you're saying then think before you open your mouth and don't say it at all. Seriously, you must not cross the line into this territory.
But if it's too late and it's already come out of your mouth then there's two categories I'd like to deal with.
1. Saying something that isn't true. (the one you really must avoid)
2. Saying something that is true but you've said it the wrong way or out of context.
1. If you've purposely set out to punish your partner by berating them, but what you've said just isn't true and you know it, then you must retract your statement as soon as possible and apologise.
Recently, I did this to my husband and even before the sentence was completely out of my mouth I knew it wasn't true.
Immediately I retracted what I'd said and even though my husband and I were in the middle of an argument I apologised for saying what I did and asked him to forgive me so we could move on.
We took a 'time-out' and after cooling down we were able to express how we were feeling and we managed to reach a resolution quickly.
2. Now I guess this could be called the lesser of two evils because at least there's an element of truth to it but at the end of the day you're still hurting the one you love. Maybe it was the tone of voice you used or the context it came out in which you didn't mean so if this is the case then some further explanation can assist.
Obviously, you don't want to dig yourself into a bigger hole but it's important that you explain yourself clearly as well. When you're both calm and the heat is out of the argument then try to clarify what you actually mean.
It's imperative you still apologise for the inappropriateness of the comment and then express that you need to elaborate on what you were really feeling.
You could say something like: "I'm so sorry for hurting you by saying that. It wasn't what I meant and I'd very much appreciate you hearing how I really feel about it".
So what if you've been on the receiving end of those hurtful words. How do you get over that tirade of destruction?
Firstly you need to remember that those words were said at the height of an argument. When in the middle of a fight much of the focus is on defending ourselves and winning the battle, rather than the emotions of our partner.
With anger our emotions intensify to the point that our thought process become scrambled. We're unable to think clearly or communicate well and often the boundaries of what is off-limits are crossed.
Does this mean we should forgive everything that's said in this state? Absolutely not! But it does help to explain why it occurs.
What you need to find out and decide whether you absolutely believe it is; Did they mean what they said? And by that I mean is it a belief they have of you all the time or was it something said to hurt you at the time?
If you truly believe it was something said in anger and frustration then it's best for both of you to let it go and move on. We're only human after all and we all make mistakes. If there's genuine remorse and an apology given then let it go.
On the other hand if what was said is a 'deal - breaker' then you really need to reconsider your position in this relationship. I'm not suggesting you up and walk out as soon as somethings been said to hurt you, but you do need to analyse why you're in such a relationship in the first place.
More seriously however, if what was said could be deemed as domestic violence then you definitely need to seek professional help. If your partner is threatening violence on you or your children, is limiting your financial or social freedoms then please seek counselling as soon as possible.
Hope this has helped.
Quote of the Day
SCROLLFIELD
QUOTE OF THE DAY
For Motivation and Inspiration
"Go out on a limb - that's where the fruit is"
-- Will Rogers, Humorist
QUOTE OF THE DAY
For Motivation and Inspiration
"Go out on a limb - that's where the fruit is"
-- Will Rogers, Humorist
Tuesday, April 1, 2014
Seven Things Men Find Irresistible in a Woman
Women
have always longed to be noticed and to be appreciated for the special
gifts and unique qualities they have. In today's world, it can sometimes
be difficult if not impossible to stand out and get noticed. Many of us
are heads down in our computer programs, cell phone, social media, and
computer game distractions and have almost forgotten to look up to see
what is going around us in the real world. You may want to consider
using the seven unique ideas listed below to make that special man in
your life look up and take notice. Having these qualities will not only
put you at an advantage from other women, but will also move you to the
front of the line of women he may be looking at.
A
lot of ideas that have been popular the last ten or twenty yeas seem to
be running out of steam and have not been as popular with men as first
predicted. When this happens, it's always good to go back to the basics
that have worked for hundreds, if not thousands of years. Listed below
are seven extremely important qualities you really have to learn to put
you at a strategic advantage. Doing so may be a life changer and may
alter your life in a wonderful and positive way.
Unique Personality
Having a unique personality that is very different and positive will
separate you from all other women and will get you noticed and admired!
No matter who you are or what you look like, you should be positive,
confidant, and happy on who you are and what you stand for. When you
speak, you should speak with positive confidence, with a smile on your
face and with a warm sparkle in your eyes. People who display this have a
wonderful love of life that can become addictive to others. People love
to be around positive people, because positive people make others feel
good about themselves.
Conservative Dress and Make Up
Girls, watch applying too much heavy makeup. Nothing can de-class a
woman faster than have too much applied makeup. Don't worry about or
watch the hottest trends as well. You want to have a look that is
consistent and if you don't watch, you may end up painting your face
with too much make up. You will also want to be you and not a follow me
when trying to decide on your facial makeup. Having just the right
amount of makeup that makes your face sparkle with an added touch of a
beautiful fragrance will send your special someone spinning.
You
also need to be careful and watchful with the way you dress as well. I
know skin is in, but you need to be conservative with your dress to keep
a since of mystery about yourself. The biggest mistake a woman can make
is showing too much too soon. Keeping your body modestly dressed will
keep your body and image in mystery and he will be coming back to spend
more time with you as your relationship develops.
Genuine Nurturing
It's very comforting for a man to have someone who enjoys taking care of
her family. Genuine nurturing is one of the most sought after qualities
that many men look for in a partner. Girls, read, learn, and talk to
other people about enhancing your ability to nurture the man you love.
Learning to bring this quality out starting on your first date will
spark an exciting interest in you that he may not have seen in a long
time.
Rock Solid Values
Rock sold values belongs in the class of moral absolutes. Moral
absolutes are values and morals that are absolute that will not and
cannot change no matter what the climate of the country is or what seems
to be trending at the moment. Morals and values are carved in stone and
cannot be changed under any circumstance. Having and displaying strong
rock solid values will define you and will place you in a special
respected group all their own. No matter what men say, having special
strong morals is really in the hearts of most men and is one of the most
desirable qualities a woman can posses. Having these qualities will
give you and your partner the ability to love at a stronger and enhanced
level
Superior Cooking and Home Skills
Nothing is more appreciated than smelling a wonderful home cooked meal
on a Sunday afternoon. There is an old saying that says the way to a
man's heart is through his stomach. This can very easily be true with
many men. Spend some time and learn how to cook some delicious meals
over the next several months. Many people consider cooking to be an
excellent hobby because it can be so much fun with many rewards. While
your at it, enhance other home making skills while your at it. Learning
valuable skills is not only appreciated and fun to do, it can also add
valuable dollars to your family budget. You can also gain important
pride and self-worth while truly being appreciated and respected by that
special man in your life!
Education
As you probably already know, life is very competitive. Education is one
way of improving your life while gaining important knowledge that will
help you compete in today's fast paced world. Most men here in the US
respect and desire an educated woman. A woman who invests her time and
energy in educated can not only bring additional income to the family
budget, but can also have a better understanding of life in general.
This will make her more valuable to the family and will put her in a
stronger position when helping with important family decisions.
Believes and Worships God
Understanding the past, who you are, how you got here, and where you are
going will give you peace of mind beyond imagination. Your
understanding and love for God is the most important universal concept
of all things in life. Staying firm in your love and respect of God will
keep your soul clean and your mind fresh and alive. Your whole
personality will shine and explode with love that will touch and effect
everyone who comes into contact with you. You will be a bright shinning
light of love that will attract many people to you too. Of all the seven
points that have been discussed here, none is more important than your
belief and love for God.
Final Thought
Life can be exciting and wonderful when you apply the principles listed
above. Doing so will elevate you to the top and will put you in a
position to gain and achieve dreams you never thought possible. Going
back to what has always worked in the past is not only a good idea, but
is also smart. Using these important ideas and leading a good life will
give you peace and happiness very few will ever have. You will not only
become a good wife and mother, you will also be filled with the most
important thing in life, LOVE!
7 Tips on How to Keep Your Casual Relationship Really Casual
7 Tips on How to Keep Your Casual Relationship Really Casual
Today many people decide to keep just casual relationship with their dates and avoid making more serious commitments. However, this type of relationship is possible only if both parties involved agree to keep them really casual. In other case, people start experiencing many problems and discomforts. Let's take a look at how to keep your relationship really casual.
1. Come into agreement
You have to be on the same ground with your date. If you take this relationship as casual, make sure that the other party has the same understanding of the situation. So, you may want to talk things over.
Of course, there is the risk of the break up, as the other person may not agree with you. But it is always better to stay honest.
2. Make rules
It's a good idea to come up with a list of rules for your casual relationship. For instance, you may not want to see your date daily and may want to make some time for him or her just ones in a week or so. Or, you may not want to introduce your casual date to your friends or family. Just come up with a list of rules and then share them with your date for his or her approval.
3. Do not get emotional
Emotional affection may make you to take your relationship one step further. So, if you really are set on keeping it casual, avoid getting too emotional about your date.
4. Avoid physical contact
Sometimes you may want to have just "platonic" relationship with someone. You like that person and you become good friends with them or you flirt with them, but no physical contact takes place. This is a good way to keep distance.
5. Keep the distance
One of the things to have in your casual relationship is to define your personal space, so to say and keep it really personal. Your casual date may not have the entrance to some of the areas of your life or your activities.
6. Have fun
Unlike the serious relationships, casual relationship may allow you to have much fun with little obligation involved. Just be friends with your date and have fun together.
7. Be honest
There might come a time, when the other person or you may want to change the state of things and take everything to the next level. Then you should be honest with each other and agree to go serious or to split up.
Hopefully, these simple tips on casual relationship would help you to sort things out in our life and to avoid extra pain and confusion on both parts. You surely do not want to hurt someone's feelings or to get your feelings hurt. So, make up your rules and follow them to the letter, unless you really fall in love and forget all about your rules.
Who knows, your casual relationship might go into something serious.
Today many people decide to keep just casual relationship with their dates and avoid making more serious commitments. However, this type of relationship is possible only if both parties involved agree to keep them really casual. In other case, people start experiencing many problems and discomforts. Let's take a look at how to keep your relationship really casual.
1. Come into agreement
You have to be on the same ground with your date. If you take this relationship as casual, make sure that the other party has the same understanding of the situation. So, you may want to talk things over.
Of course, there is the risk of the break up, as the other person may not agree with you. But it is always better to stay honest.
2. Make rules
It's a good idea to come up with a list of rules for your casual relationship. For instance, you may not want to see your date daily and may want to make some time for him or her just ones in a week or so. Or, you may not want to introduce your casual date to your friends or family. Just come up with a list of rules and then share them with your date for his or her approval.
3. Do not get emotional
Emotional affection may make you to take your relationship one step further. So, if you really are set on keeping it casual, avoid getting too emotional about your date.
4. Avoid physical contact
Sometimes you may want to have just "platonic" relationship with someone. You like that person and you become good friends with them or you flirt with them, but no physical contact takes place. This is a good way to keep distance.
5. Keep the distance
One of the things to have in your casual relationship is to define your personal space, so to say and keep it really personal. Your casual date may not have the entrance to some of the areas of your life or your activities.
6. Have fun
Unlike the serious relationships, casual relationship may allow you to have much fun with little obligation involved. Just be friends with your date and have fun together.
7. Be honest
There might come a time, when the other person or you may want to change the state of things and take everything to the next level. Then you should be honest with each other and agree to go serious or to split up.
Hopefully, these simple tips on casual relationship would help you to sort things out in our life and to avoid extra pain and confusion on both parts. You surely do not want to hurt someone's feelings or to get your feelings hurt. So, make up your rules and follow them to the letter, unless you really fall in love and forget all about your rules.
Who knows, your casual relationship might go into something serious.
The Real Reasons Why Men Cheat
Men cheat. Women cheat. People cheat. It's true. The question many of us have at Dating with Dignity is, why?
So what is the MAIN reason men cheat?
The answer may surprise you. Most women assume men cheat because of sexual attraction-but in fact, they don't. According to studies of men who have cheated in serious relationships or marriages, they cheated because they were emotionally dissatisfied in their relationships. An overwhelming majority were feeling underappreciated and emotionally disconnected from their partner. This can be an underlying feeling that's been happening over time, or it can be sudden.
This isn't to say that sex doesn't play a role AT ALL in men's infidelity. Sex is an integral part of a healthy relationship, and for that reason if a guy is in an emotionally satisfying relationship that's sexually deficient, it's likely he'll look for it elsewhere.
So how physical was it?
Of course, when someone engages in a physical affair they're most likely attracted to them. However (and again somewhat surprisingly), in multiple studies almost 90% of men surveyed who had cheated did NOT describe the woman they cheated with as being more attractive than their partner.
When does it happen?
Another reason men cheat is to get affirmation that they're still desirable to the opposite sex-and not the person they're in a long-term relationship with. Harmless flirting is fine; but when a man is insecure enough about his waning mojo, he'll seek out women outside of his relationship to confirm he still "has it." (Of course there are also men who simply enjoy the art of sneaking around, and we hope you stay far away from that type of guy.)
And where do most men meet the women they have affairs with?
Many men who begin to feel underappreciated at home seek out admiration and respect in the workplace. Often these dalliances start out as emotional connections and then progress to the physical. When men have trouble talking with their partners or feel as though they've lost a spark in their relationship (mental, physical or otherwise), it's easy to lean on female acquaintances and friends whom they're around most often: from 9 to 5.
Other influences that cause men to cheat?
These include getting an extra thrill, being around friends who have also or are currently cheating on a spouse or partner, and feeling as though their partner has changed. If a man feels like his girlfriend or wife has become less caring or has stopped being romantic, it can cause him to seek affection from other women. If she's vastly different from the girl he feels he fell in love with, he'll want to find what he used to have with her... somewhere else.
Cheating sucks. The above reasons for why men cheat - if you can call them that - are simply justifications for disrespectful behavior. Hopefully if a man is feeling any of the above inadequacies, he'll talk to his partner about it first.
So what are three ways you can reduce the likelihood your man turns into a cheater?
1. Don't lose sight of your well-being/health
Being in a long-term relationship can create a sense of comfort, which is great! But make sure you don't get too comfortable. For instance, don't quit wearing make up altogether or make your daily uniform sweatpants and an old tee. Of course this is a completely appropriate outfit for a night in with your guy, but dressing up sometimes will help remind him of your femininity and beauty. Keep your fitness and diet regimen the same as when you two got together!
Just because you're committed to each other, it doesn't mean you should stop caring about your waistline or your overall general health. Keeping this up will also help keep your confidence up-and that's one thing that all guys can agree is HOT.
2. Keep communication open
If you've found that something seems odd or missing, it may be time to open up the lines of communication, a la "Hey babe? I noticed we haven't been doing our regular date night for the last few weeks. How do you feel about renewing that tradition?" This is an example of a nonconfrontational way to rejuvenate the romantic (and important) part of your relationship.
Accepting that you're both "busy" or that maybe this is just a phase doesn't cut it. Turn up the volume on your voice and say what you need to say. It's better to step out of denial and into a solution so you can give your relationship a chance to change and grow over time.
3. Along with the emotional part of your relationship, keep the physical part fresh!
Don't let your activities in the bedroom get stale. Sometimes it helps to remind yourself and your man how fiery your chemistry was at the start of your relationship. Reenact one of your first dates, plan a weekend away, or settle in for a "stay-cation."
Some of the best advice I ever got way back when was this: Never go longer than three days (yes, THREE) without having sex with your partner. Sure, you're tired. And yes, maybe the garlic from dinner makes you feel less than pretty. So what?! We promise that once you get into the groove, your mind will tune into your body and a connection will be established. Busy lives can't get in the way of maintaining a physical connection. Fake it 'til you make it to help ensure you stay connected and happy!
So what is the MAIN reason men cheat?
The answer may surprise you. Most women assume men cheat because of sexual attraction-but in fact, they don't. According to studies of men who have cheated in serious relationships or marriages, they cheated because they were emotionally dissatisfied in their relationships. An overwhelming majority were feeling underappreciated and emotionally disconnected from their partner. This can be an underlying feeling that's been happening over time, or it can be sudden.
This isn't to say that sex doesn't play a role AT ALL in men's infidelity. Sex is an integral part of a healthy relationship, and for that reason if a guy is in an emotionally satisfying relationship that's sexually deficient, it's likely he'll look for it elsewhere.
So how physical was it?
Of course, when someone engages in a physical affair they're most likely attracted to them. However (and again somewhat surprisingly), in multiple studies almost 90% of men surveyed who had cheated did NOT describe the woman they cheated with as being more attractive than their partner.
When does it happen?
Another reason men cheat is to get affirmation that they're still desirable to the opposite sex-and not the person they're in a long-term relationship with. Harmless flirting is fine; but when a man is insecure enough about his waning mojo, he'll seek out women outside of his relationship to confirm he still "has it." (Of course there are also men who simply enjoy the art of sneaking around, and we hope you stay far away from that type of guy.)
And where do most men meet the women they have affairs with?
Many men who begin to feel underappreciated at home seek out admiration and respect in the workplace. Often these dalliances start out as emotional connections and then progress to the physical. When men have trouble talking with their partners or feel as though they've lost a spark in their relationship (mental, physical or otherwise), it's easy to lean on female acquaintances and friends whom they're around most often: from 9 to 5.
Other influences that cause men to cheat?
These include getting an extra thrill, being around friends who have also or are currently cheating on a spouse or partner, and feeling as though their partner has changed. If a man feels like his girlfriend or wife has become less caring or has stopped being romantic, it can cause him to seek affection from other women. If she's vastly different from the girl he feels he fell in love with, he'll want to find what he used to have with her... somewhere else.
Cheating sucks. The above reasons for why men cheat - if you can call them that - are simply justifications for disrespectful behavior. Hopefully if a man is feeling any of the above inadequacies, he'll talk to his partner about it first.
So what are three ways you can reduce the likelihood your man turns into a cheater?
1. Don't lose sight of your well-being/health
Being in a long-term relationship can create a sense of comfort, which is great! But make sure you don't get too comfortable. For instance, don't quit wearing make up altogether or make your daily uniform sweatpants and an old tee. Of course this is a completely appropriate outfit for a night in with your guy, but dressing up sometimes will help remind him of your femininity and beauty. Keep your fitness and diet regimen the same as when you two got together!
Just because you're committed to each other, it doesn't mean you should stop caring about your waistline or your overall general health. Keeping this up will also help keep your confidence up-and that's one thing that all guys can agree is HOT.
2. Keep communication open
If you've found that something seems odd or missing, it may be time to open up the lines of communication, a la "Hey babe? I noticed we haven't been doing our regular date night for the last few weeks. How do you feel about renewing that tradition?" This is an example of a nonconfrontational way to rejuvenate the romantic (and important) part of your relationship.
Accepting that you're both "busy" or that maybe this is just a phase doesn't cut it. Turn up the volume on your voice and say what you need to say. It's better to step out of denial and into a solution so you can give your relationship a chance to change and grow over time.
3. Along with the emotional part of your relationship, keep the physical part fresh!
Don't let your activities in the bedroom get stale. Sometimes it helps to remind yourself and your man how fiery your chemistry was at the start of your relationship. Reenact one of your first dates, plan a weekend away, or settle in for a "stay-cation."
Some of the best advice I ever got way back when was this: Never go longer than three days (yes, THREE) without having sex with your partner. Sure, you're tired. And yes, maybe the garlic from dinner makes you feel less than pretty. So what?! We promise that once you get into the groove, your mind will tune into your body and a connection will be established. Busy lives can't get in the way of maintaining a physical connection. Fake it 'til you make it to help ensure you stay connected and happy!
Attitude Versus Aptitude
Did you know that a major source of stress in your life is the "fear of rejection" or "fear of criticism"? This fear of rejection manifests itself in an over-concern for the approval or disapproval of your boss or other people. The fear of rejection is often learned in early childhood as the result of a parent giving the child what psychologists call "conditional love." Have you ever experienced this type of fear?
Rise Above the Need for Approval
Many parents made the mistake of giving love and approval to their children only when their children did something that they wanted them to do. A child who has grown up with this kind of conditional love tends to seek for unconditional approval from others all his or her life. When the child becomes an adult, this need for approval from the parent is transferred to the workplace and onto the boss. The adult employee can then become preoccupied with the opinion of the boss. This preoccupation can lead to an obsession to perform to some undetermined high standard.
Avoid Type A Behavior
Doctors Rosenman and Friedman, two San Francisco heart specialists, have defined this obsession for performance as "Type A behavior." Experts have concluded that approximately 60% of men and as many as 30% of women are people with Type A behavior.
Don't Burn Yourself Out
This Type A behavior can vary from mild forms to extreme cases. People who are what they call "true Type A's" usually put so much pressure on themselves to perform in order to please their bosses that they burn themselves out. They often die of heart attacks before the age of 55. This Type A behavior, triggered by conditional love in childhood, is a very serious stress-related phenomenon in the American workplace.
Action Exercises
Here are two things you can do immediately to deal with the fear of rejection, criticism and disapproval.
First, realize and accept that the opinions of others are not important enough for you to feel stressed, unhappy or over concerned about them. Even if they dislike you entirely, it has nothing to do with your own personal worth and value as a person.
Second, refuse to be over concerned about what you think people are thinking about you. The fact is that most people are not thinking about you at all. Relax and get on with your life.
The 3 Mighty Forces of Power
The 3 Mighty Forces of Power
Desire, Belief, Expectation: How to Exercise Enormous Power Over the Events of Your Life
Events can be manipulated to solve problems you are faced with. You can change things you're not satisfied with.
While there's no disputing the fact that you can't always get what you want, it's also true that you can exercise your innate power over the events of your life and make things go your way much more frequently.
To do so, you must understand and use the three mighty forces of power - desire, belief, and expectation. Before anything you want to happen can occur, you must desire that it happen. You must believe that it can happen. And you must expect it to happen. Let's look at each of these three forces and then see how you can put them to work for you.
The First Power Force - Desire
Every manifestation of will is preceded by the desire to act. You must desire something before will can take action. In order to desire something, you must believe that you will gain a measure of satisfaction from it.
Anything you do, from the moment you wake up in the morning until the time you close your eyes to sleep in the evening, is precipitated by desire. Nothing is done that does not have a degree or more of desire behind it. To desire something is to feel there will be a measure of satisfaction after the getting of the thing. You cannot desire a thing unless you feel there will be some satisfaction in the attainment of that desire.
Avoidance of Pain Keeps Many People Stuck
Many people are stuck in a particular position in life simply because they feel that making a change would cause some measure of discomfort. To avoid the discomfort they linger in the existing state of affairs even though that causes discomfort as well. The sayings "Better the devil I know than the devil I don't." and "Don't jump from the frying pan into the fire." Express this sentiment.
Note the system of expectation at work here. When discomfort or pain is expected, the force works to keep you from making any change, even when the pain is imagined and may never take place.
Like all things, desire has degrees of strength. Consider the story of the disciple who went to his guru one day and asked, "Master, how do I achieve enlightenment?" The wise old guru directed the disciple to the bank of the Ganges River and had him kneel with his head over the water. Then the guru put his hand on the young man's neck and pushed his head below the surface of the water. After a minute and a half the young disciple was frantic. He pulled and heaved and flailed his arms, but the grip was like iron. He could not get his head back out of the water. After two minutes, when it seemed as though his lungs would burst, the grip was released.
The young man's head jerked out of the water and he took great gulps of air into his tortured lungs. The guru smiled. "Tell me," he gently asked, " what was your greatest desire just then?" "To breathe," the young disciple stated emphatically. "Ah," the guru said. "When you desire enlightenment to that degree, it shall be yours."
To have a better understanding of desire, see it on an ascending scale, like a giant thermometer. At the bottom of the scale is zero, and at the top, one hundred.
When your desire is weak, near the bottom of the scale, it is unlikely that anything will motivate you to activate your will and accomplish the object of that desire. When your desire is near the top of the scale nothing can keep you from success in attaining that desire. To enhance desire, go to level and visualize the positive end result of what you desire to happen.
The Second Power Force - Belief
Belief is mental acceptance of some idea as being true. You accept ideas from others because they are authority figures. This setting of a belief in your mind (usually at a young and trusting age) comes about because you have absolute trust in the authority (generally the parent, sometimes the religious or educational institution, sometimes another trusted outside agency such as a relative, peer, or the media).
This acceptance can come about even when there are facts that contradict it. Reinforcement of beliefs strengthens until, faulty or true, they become a fundamental part of your thought processes. To entrench matters more, now beliefs are tested through the structure of the faulty belief, thereby compounding the problem. What this means is that you only accept information that reinforces the belief. Information that contradicts the belief is rejected.
The Third Force of Power - Expectation
Expectation is a mighty power indeed -- so much so that a doctor can take an inert pill and tell a patient that it is a powerful drug, and the patient will react as though the actual drug had been taken. This well-documented phenomenon is called the placebo effect. It might also be called the "expectation effect."
Of course, the placebo effect does not work all of the time. If it did, no one would bother with drugs at all. They would simply use placebos. It does, however, work with a significant and measurable percentage of success.
Expectation can be a powerful force in one's life. How can you use expectation as a force in your life? Can you simply expect good things to happen and they will happen?
When you are told something by an authority figure you respect - say, a doctor, a teacher, a parent, or your boss - those words have an effect on all three levels, the physical, the mental, and the spiritual. When you believe this authority figure without hesitation or reservation, then that person's expectation of you is more likely to come to be. With respect to your own expectation of yourself, however, you might well tell yourself, "I'm going to expect this to happen" only to hear a small voice responding, "Who are you kidding?"
The trick is to make yourself the respected authority figure. Expectation is enhanced with our techniques that entail going to one's Alpha level and creating the visual imagery of the desired event already having taken place. This technique has a dual effect: it puts you in the position of acting as your own authority, and it reinforces your experience of yourself that way.
The more successful you become, the more you believe in yourself and the better you become at triggering the anticipated positive result of whatever event you are trying to bring about. As you grow into a better person better begets better and you do indeed grow better and better.
To build expectation, go to level and visualize the event as already having happened. When you come out of the alpha level, think about the event happening by a predetermined date. You will find more and more expected events coming to pass.
To help you change your expectation, recall the principle of correspondence - as above, so below; as below, so above. As it is with the seed, so it is with the tree. Start with the small if you want to affect the large. If you wish to bring about a change in a friend, in a parent, child, or spouse, change your own expectation. Begin to expect that which you desire to happen and you will note changes occurring.
Expect things on a smaller scale at first, as the smaller things come into being you begin to expect the major things to happen as well. Expectation is a force that can and should be discussed with others.
Expectation works with all people, and on all levels-on the family level, on the town, city, and country level, on the national, international, and universal level. The law is the law; what works with the small works with the mighty. What works with the molecule works with the universe.
Change your expectation and see your reality, your world, change to the degree that you wish it to change. And eventually you will arrive at the place you wish to be.
Desire, Belief, Expectation: How to Exercise Enormous Power Over the Events of Your Life
Events can be manipulated to solve problems you are faced with. You can change things you're not satisfied with.
While there's no disputing the fact that you can't always get what you want, it's also true that you can exercise your innate power over the events of your life and make things go your way much more frequently.
To do so, you must understand and use the three mighty forces of power - desire, belief, and expectation. Before anything you want to happen can occur, you must desire that it happen. You must believe that it can happen. And you must expect it to happen. Let's look at each of these three forces and then see how you can put them to work for you.
The First Power Force - Desire
Every manifestation of will is preceded by the desire to act. You must desire something before will can take action. In order to desire something, you must believe that you will gain a measure of satisfaction from it.
Anything you do, from the moment you wake up in the morning until the time you close your eyes to sleep in the evening, is precipitated by desire. Nothing is done that does not have a degree or more of desire behind it. To desire something is to feel there will be a measure of satisfaction after the getting of the thing. You cannot desire a thing unless you feel there will be some satisfaction in the attainment of that desire.
Avoidance of Pain Keeps Many People Stuck
Many people are stuck in a particular position in life simply because they feel that making a change would cause some measure of discomfort. To avoid the discomfort they linger in the existing state of affairs even though that causes discomfort as well. The sayings "Better the devil I know than the devil I don't." and "Don't jump from the frying pan into the fire." Express this sentiment.
Note the system of expectation at work here. When discomfort or pain is expected, the force works to keep you from making any change, even when the pain is imagined and may never take place.
Like all things, desire has degrees of strength. Consider the story of the disciple who went to his guru one day and asked, "Master, how do I achieve enlightenment?" The wise old guru directed the disciple to the bank of the Ganges River and had him kneel with his head over the water. Then the guru put his hand on the young man's neck and pushed his head below the surface of the water. After a minute and a half the young disciple was frantic. He pulled and heaved and flailed his arms, but the grip was like iron. He could not get his head back out of the water. After two minutes, when it seemed as though his lungs would burst, the grip was released.
The young man's head jerked out of the water and he took great gulps of air into his tortured lungs. The guru smiled. "Tell me," he gently asked, " what was your greatest desire just then?" "To breathe," the young disciple stated emphatically. "Ah," the guru said. "When you desire enlightenment to that degree, it shall be yours."
To have a better understanding of desire, see it on an ascending scale, like a giant thermometer. At the bottom of the scale is zero, and at the top, one hundred.
When your desire is weak, near the bottom of the scale, it is unlikely that anything will motivate you to activate your will and accomplish the object of that desire. When your desire is near the top of the scale nothing can keep you from success in attaining that desire. To enhance desire, go to level and visualize the positive end result of what you desire to happen.
The Second Power Force - Belief
Belief is mental acceptance of some idea as being true. You accept ideas from others because they are authority figures. This setting of a belief in your mind (usually at a young and trusting age) comes about because you have absolute trust in the authority (generally the parent, sometimes the religious or educational institution, sometimes another trusted outside agency such as a relative, peer, or the media).
This acceptance can come about even when there are facts that contradict it. Reinforcement of beliefs strengthens until, faulty or true, they become a fundamental part of your thought processes. To entrench matters more, now beliefs are tested through the structure of the faulty belief, thereby compounding the problem. What this means is that you only accept information that reinforces the belief. Information that contradicts the belief is rejected.
The Third Force of Power - Expectation
Expectation is a mighty power indeed -- so much so that a doctor can take an inert pill and tell a patient that it is a powerful drug, and the patient will react as though the actual drug had been taken. This well-documented phenomenon is called the placebo effect. It might also be called the "expectation effect."
Of course, the placebo effect does not work all of the time. If it did, no one would bother with drugs at all. They would simply use placebos. It does, however, work with a significant and measurable percentage of success.
Expectation can be a powerful force in one's life. How can you use expectation as a force in your life? Can you simply expect good things to happen and they will happen?
When you are told something by an authority figure you respect - say, a doctor, a teacher, a parent, or your boss - those words have an effect on all three levels, the physical, the mental, and the spiritual. When you believe this authority figure without hesitation or reservation, then that person's expectation of you is more likely to come to be. With respect to your own expectation of yourself, however, you might well tell yourself, "I'm going to expect this to happen" only to hear a small voice responding, "Who are you kidding?"
The trick is to make yourself the respected authority figure. Expectation is enhanced with our techniques that entail going to one's Alpha level and creating the visual imagery of the desired event already having taken place. This technique has a dual effect: it puts you in the position of acting as your own authority, and it reinforces your experience of yourself that way.
The more successful you become, the more you believe in yourself and the better you become at triggering the anticipated positive result of whatever event you are trying to bring about. As you grow into a better person better begets better and you do indeed grow better and better.
To build expectation, go to level and visualize the event as already having happened. When you come out of the alpha level, think about the event happening by a predetermined date. You will find more and more expected events coming to pass.
To help you change your expectation, recall the principle of correspondence - as above, so below; as below, so above. As it is with the seed, so it is with the tree. Start with the small if you want to affect the large. If you wish to bring about a change in a friend, in a parent, child, or spouse, change your own expectation. Begin to expect that which you desire to happen and you will note changes occurring.
Expect things on a smaller scale at first, as the smaller things come into being you begin to expect the major things to happen as well. Expectation is a force that can and should be discussed with others.
Expectation works with all people, and on all levels-on the family level, on the town, city, and country level, on the national, international, and universal level. The law is the law; what works with the small works with the mighty. What works with the molecule works with the universe.
Change your expectation and see your reality, your world, change to the degree that you wish it to change. And eventually you will arrive at the place you wish to be.
The 48 Laws of Power
The 48 Laws of Power
Law 1
Never Outshine the Master
Always make those above you feel comfortably superior. In your desire to please or impress them, do not go too far in displaying your talents or you might accomplish the opposite - inspire fear and insecurity. Make your masters appear more brilliant than they are and you will attain the heights of power.
Law 2
Never put too Much Trust in Friends, Learn how to use Enemies
Be wary of friends - they will betray you more quickly, for they are easily aroused to envy. They also become spoiled and tyrannical. But hire a former enemy and he will be more loyal than a friend, because he has more to prove. In fact, you have more to fear from friends than from enemies. If you have no enemies, find a way to make them.
Law 3
Conceal your Intentions
Keep people off-balance and in the dark by never revealing the purpose behind your actions. If they have no clue what you are up to, they cannot prepare a defense. Guide them far enough down the wrong path, envelope them in enough smoke, and by the time they realize your intentions, it will be too late.
Law 4
Always Say Less than Necessary
When you are trying to impress people with words, the more you say, the more common you appear, and the less in control. Even if you are saying something banal, it will seem original if you make it vague, open-ended, and sphinxlike. Powerful people impress and intimidate by saying less. The more you say, the more likely you are to say something foolish.
Law 5
So Much Depends on Reputation – Guard it with your Life
Reputation is the cornerstone of power. Through reputation alone you can intimidate and win; once you slip, however, you are vulnerable, and will be attacked on all sides. Make your reputation unassailable. Always be alert to potential attacks and thwart them before they happen. Meanwhile, learn to destroy your enemies by opening holes in their own reputations. Then stand aside and let public opinion hang them.
Law 6
Court Attention at all Cost
Everything is judged by its appearance; what is unseen counts for nothing. Never let yourself get lost in the crowd, then, or buried in oblivion. Stand out. Be conspicuous, at all cost. Make yourself a magnet of attention by appearing larger, more colorful, more mysterious, than the bland and timid masses.
Law 7
Get others to do the Work for you, but Always Take the Credit
Use the wisdom, knowledge, and legwork of other people to further your own cause. Not only will such assistance save you valuable time and energy, it will give you a godlike aura of efficiency and speed. In the end your helpers will be forgotten and you will be remembered. Never do yourself what others can do for you.
Law 8
Make other People come to you – use Bait if Necessary
When you force the other person to act, you are the one in control. It is always better to make your opponent come to you, abandoning his own plans in the process. Lure him with fabulous gains – then attack. You hold the cards.
Law 9
Win through your Actions, Never through Argument
Any momentary triumph you think gained through argument is really a Pyrrhic victory: The resentment and ill will you stir up is stronger and lasts longer than any momentary change of opinion. It is much more powerful to get others to agree with you through your actions, without saying a word. Demonstrate, do not explicate.
Law 10
Infection: Avoid the Unhappy and Unlucky
You can die from someone else's misery – emotional states are as infectious as disease. You may feel you are helping the drowning man but you are only precipitating your own disaster. The unfortunate sometimes draw misfortune on themselves; they will also draw it on you. Associate with the happy and fortunate instead.
Law 11
Learn to Keep People Dependent on You
To maintain your independence you must always be needed and wanted. The more you are relied on, the more freedom you have. Make people depend on you for their happiness and prosperity and you have nothing to fear. Never teach them enough so that they can do without you.
Law 12
Use Selective Honesty and Generosity to Disarm your Victim
One sincere and honest move will cover over dozens of dishonest ones. Open-hearted gestures of honesty and generosity bring down the guard of even the most suspicious people. Once your selective honesty opens a hole in their armor, you can deceive and manipulate them at will. A timely gift – a Trojan horse – will serve the same purpose.
Law 13
When Asking for Help, Appeal to People's Self-Interest, Never to their Mercy or Gratitude
If you need to turn to an ally for help, do not bother to remind him of your past assistance and good deeds. He will find a way to ignore you. Instead, uncover something in your request, or in your alliance with him, that will benefit him, and emphasize it out of all proportion. He will respond enthusiastically when he sees something to be gained for himself.
Law 14
Pose as a Friend, Work as a Spy
Knowing about your rival is critical. Use spies to gather valuable information that will keep you a step ahead. Better still: Play the spy yourself. In polite social encounters, learn to probe. Ask indirect questions to get people to reveal their weaknesses and intentions. There is no occasion that is not an opportunity for artful spying.
Law 15
Crush your Enemy Totally
All great leaders since Moses have known that a feared enemy must be crushed completely. (Sometimes they have learned this the hard way.) If one ember is left alight, no matter how dimly it smolders, a fire will eventually break out. More is lost through stopping halfway than through total annihilation: The enemy will recover, and will seek revenge. Crush him, not only in body but in spirit.
Law 16
Use Absence to Increase Respect and Honor
Too much circulation makes the price go down: The more you are seen and heard from, the more common you appear. If you are already established in a group, temporary withdrawal from it will make you more talked about, even more admired. You must learn when to leave. Create value through scarcity.
Law 17
Keep Others in Suspended Terror: Cultivate an Air of Unpredictability
Humans are creatures of habit with an insatiable need to see familiarity in other people's actions. Your predictability gives them a sense of control. Turn the tables: Be deliberately unpredictable. Behavior that seems to have no consistency or purpose will keep them off-balance, and they will wear themselves out trying to explain your moves. Taken to an extreme, this strategy can intimidate and terrorize.
Law 18
Do Not Build Fortresses to Protect Yourself – Isolation is Dangerous
The world is dangerous and enemies are everywhere – everyone has to protect themselves. A fortress seems the safest. But isolation exposes you to more dangers than it protects you from – it cuts you off from valuable information, it makes you conspicuous and an easy target. Better to circulate among people find allies, mingle. You are shielded from your enemies by the crowd.
Law 19
Know Who You're Dealing with – Do Not Offend the Wrong Person
There are many different kinds of people in the world, and you can never assume that everyone will react to your strategies in the same way. Deceive or outmaneuver some people and they will spend the rest of their lives seeking revenge. They are wolves in lambs' clothing. Choose your victims and opponents carefully, then – never offend or deceive the wrong person.
Law 20
Do Not Commit to Anyone
It is the fool who always rushes to take sides. Do not commit to any side or cause but yourself. By maintaining your independence, you become the master of others – playing people against one another, making them pursue you.
Law 21
Play a Sucker to Catch a Sucker – Seem Dumber than your Mark
No one likes feeling stupider than the next persons. The trick, is to make your victims feel smart – and not just smart, but smarter than you are. Once convinced of this, they will never suspect that you may have ulterior motives.
Law 22
Use the Surrender Tactic: Transform Weakness into Power
When you are weaker, never fight for honor's sake; choose surrender instead. Surrender gives you time to recover, time to torment and irritate your conqueror, time to wait for his power to wane. Do not give him the satisfaction of fighting and defeating you – surrender first. By turning the other check you infuriate and unsettle him. Make surrender a tool of power.
Law 23
Concentrate Your Forces
Conserve your forces and energies by keeping them concentrated at their strongest point. You gain more by finding a rich mine and mining it deeper, than by flitting from one shallow mine to another – intensity defeats extensity every time. When looking for sources of power to elevate you, find the one key patron, the fat cow who will give you milk for a long time to come.
Law 24
Play the Perfect Courtier
The perfect courtier thrives in a world where everything revolves around power and political dexterity. He has mastered the art of indirection; he flatters, yields to superiors, and asserts power over others in the mot oblique and graceful manner. Learn and apply the laws of courtiership and there will be no limit to how far you can rise in the court.
Law 25
Re-Create Yourself
Do not accept the roles that society foists on you. Re-create yourself by forging a new identity, one that commands attention and never bores the audience. Be the master of your own image rather than letting others define if for you. Incorporate dramatic devices into your public gestures and actions – your power will be enhanced and your character will seem larger than life.
Law 26
Keep Your Hands Clean
You must seem a paragon of civility and efficiency: Your hands are never soiled by mistakes and nasty deeds. Maintain such a spotless appearance by using others as scapegoats and cat's-paws to disguise your involvement.
Law 27
Play on People's Need to Believe to Create a Cultlike Following
People have an overwhelming desire to believe in something. Become the focal point of such desire by offering them a cause, a new faith to follow. Keep your words vague but full of promise; emphasize enthusiasm over rationality and clear thinking. Give your new disciples rituals to perform, ask them to make sacrifices on your behalf. In the absence of organized religion and grand causes, your new belief system will bring you untold power.
Law 28
Enter Action with Boldness
If you are unsure of a course of action, do not attempt it. Your doubts and hesitations will infect your execution. Timidity is dangerous: Better to enter with boldness. Any mistakes you commit through audacity are easily corrected with more audacity. Everyone admires the bold; no one honors the timid.
Law 29
Plan All the Way to the End
The ending is everything. Plan all the way to it, taking into account all the possible consequences, obstacles, and twists of fortune that might reverse your hard work and give the glory to others. By planning to the end you will not be overwhelmed by circumstances and you will know when to stop. Gently guide fortune and help determine the future by thinking far ahead.
Law 30
Make your Accomplishments Seem Effortless
Your actions must seem natural and executed with ease. All the toil and practice that go into them, and also all the clever tricks, must be concealed. When you act, act effortlessly, as if you could do much more. Avoid the temptation of revealing how hard you work – it only raises questions. Teach no one your tricks or they will be used against you.
Law 31
Control the Options: Get Others to Play with the Cards you Deal
The best deceptions are the ones that seem to give the other person a choice: Your victims feel they are in control, but are actually your puppets. Give people options that come out in your favor whichever one they choose. Force them to make choices between the lesser of two evils, both of which serve your purpose. Put them on the horns of a dilemma: They are gored wherever they turn.
Law 32
Play to People's Fantasies
The truth is often avoided because it is ugly and unpleasant. Never appeal to truth and reality unless you are prepared for the anger that comes for disenchantment. Life is so harsh and distressing that people who can manufacture romance or conjure up fantasy are like oases in the desert: Everyone flocks to them. There is great power in tapping into the fantasies of the masses.
Law 33
Discover Each Man's Thumbscrew
Everyone has a weakness, a gap in the castle wall. That weakness is usually an insecurity, an uncontrollable emotion or need; it can also be a small secret pleasure. Either way, once found, it is a thumbscrew you can turn to your advantage.
Law 34
Be Royal in your Own Fashion: Act like a King to be treated like one
The way you carry yourself will often determine how you are treated; In the long run, appearing vulgar or common will make people disrespect you. For a king respects himself and inspires the same sentiment in others. By acting regally and confident of your powers, you make yourself seem destined to wear a crown.
Law 35
Master the Art of Timing
Never seem to be in a hurry – hurrying betrays a lack of control over yourself, and over time. Always seem patient, as if you know that everything will come to you eventually. Become a detective of the right moment; sniff out the spirit of the times, the trends that will carry you to power. Learn to stand back when the time is not yet ripe, and to strike fiercely when it has reached fruition.
Law 36
Disdain Things you cannot have: Ignoring them is the best Revenge
By acknowledging a petty problem you give it existence and credibility. The more attention you pay an enemy, the stronger you make him; and a small mistake is often made worse and more visible when you try to fix it. It is sometimes best to leave things alone. If there is something you want but cannot have, show contempt for it. The less interest you reveal, the more superior you seem.
Law 37
Create Compelling Spectacles
Striking imagery and grand symbolic gestures create the aura of power – everyone responds to them. Stage spectacles for those around you, then full of arresting visuals and radiant symbols that heighten your presence. Dazzled by appearances, no one will notice what you are really doing.
Law 38
Think as you like but Behave like others
If you make a show of going against the times, flaunting your unconventional ideas and unorthodox ways, people will think that you only want attention and that you look down upon them. They will find a way to punish you for making them feel inferior. It is far safer to blend in and nurture the common touch. Share your originality only with tolerant friends and those who are sure to appreciate your uniqueness.
Law 39
Stir up Waters to Catch Fish
Anger and emotion are strategically counterproductive. You must always stay calm and objective. But if you can make your enemies angry while staying calm yourself, you gain a decided advantage. Put your enemies off-balance: Find the chink in their vanity through which you can rattle them and you hold the strings.
Law 40
Despise the Free Lunch
What is offered for free is dangerous – it usually involves either a trick or a hidden obligation. What has worth is worth paying for. By paying your own way you stay clear of gratitude, guilt, and deceit. It is also often wise to pay the full price – there is no cutting corners with excellence. Be lavish with your money and keep it circulating, for generosity is a sign and a magnet for power.
Law 41
Avoid Stepping into a Great Man's Shoes
What happens first always appears better and more original than what comes after. If you succeed a great man or have a famous parent, you will have to accomplish double their achievements to outshine them. Do not get lost in their shadow, or stuck in a past not of your own making: Establish your own name and identity by changing course. Slay the overbearing father, disparage his legacy, and gain power by shining in your own way.
Law 42
Strike the Shepherd and the Sheep will Scatter
Trouble can often be traced to a single strong individual – the stirrer, the arrogant underling, the poisoned of goodwill. If you allow such people room to operate, others will succumb to their influence. Do not wait for the troubles they cause to multiply, do not try to negotiate with them – they are irredeemable. Neutralize their influence by isolating or banishing them. Strike at the source of the trouble and the sheep will scatter.
Law 43
Work on the Hearts and Minds of Others
Coercion creates a reaction that will eventually work against you. You must seduce others into wanting to move in your direction. A person you have seduced becomes your loyal pawn. And the way to seduce others is to operate on their individual psychologies and weaknesses. Soften up the resistant by working on their emotions, playing on what they hold dear and what they fear. Ignore the hearts and minds of others and they will grow to hate you.
Law 44
Disarm and Infuriate with the Mirror Effect
The mirror reflects reality, but it is also the perfect tool for deception: When you mirror your enemies, doing exactly as they do, they cannot figure out your strategy. The Mirror Effect mocks and humiliates them, making them overreact. By holding up a mirror to their psyches, you seduce them with the illusion that you share their values; by holding up a mirror to their actions, you teach them a lesson. Few can resist the power of Mirror Effect.
Law 45
Preach the Need for Change, but Never Reform too much at Once
Everyone understands the need for change in the abstract, but on the day-to-day level people are creatures of habit. Too much innovation is traumatic, and will lead to revolt. If you are new to a position of power, or an outsider trying to build a power base, make a show of respecting the old way of doing things. If change is necessary, make it feel like a gentle improvement on the past.
Law 46
Never appear too Perfect
Appearing better than others is always dangerous, but most dangerous of all is to appear to have no faults or weaknesses. Envy creates silent enemies. It is smart to occasionally display defects, and admit to harmless vices, in order to deflect envy and appear more human and approachable. Only gods and the dead can seem perfect with impunity.
Law 47
Do not go Past the Mark you Aimed for; In Victory, Learn when to Stop
The moment of victory is often the moment of greatest peril. In the heat of victory, arrogance and overconfidence can push you past the goal you had aimed for, and by going too far, you make more enemies than you defeat. Do not allow success to go to your head. There is no substitute for strategy and careful planning. Set a goal, and when you reach it, stop.
Law 48
Assume Formlessness
By taking a shape, by having a visible plan, you open yourself to attack. Instead of taking a form for your enemy to grasp, keep yourself adaptable and on the move. Accept the fact that nothing is certain and no law is fixed. The best way to protect yourself is to be as fluid and formless as water; never bet on stability or lasting order. Everything changes.
Law 1
Never Outshine the Master
Always make those above you feel comfortably superior. In your desire to please or impress them, do not go too far in displaying your talents or you might accomplish the opposite - inspire fear and insecurity. Make your masters appear more brilliant than they are and you will attain the heights of power.
Law 2
Never put too Much Trust in Friends, Learn how to use Enemies
Be wary of friends - they will betray you more quickly, for they are easily aroused to envy. They also become spoiled and tyrannical. But hire a former enemy and he will be more loyal than a friend, because he has more to prove. In fact, you have more to fear from friends than from enemies. If you have no enemies, find a way to make them.
Law 3
Conceal your Intentions
Keep people off-balance and in the dark by never revealing the purpose behind your actions. If they have no clue what you are up to, they cannot prepare a defense. Guide them far enough down the wrong path, envelope them in enough smoke, and by the time they realize your intentions, it will be too late.
Law 4
Always Say Less than Necessary
When you are trying to impress people with words, the more you say, the more common you appear, and the less in control. Even if you are saying something banal, it will seem original if you make it vague, open-ended, and sphinxlike. Powerful people impress and intimidate by saying less. The more you say, the more likely you are to say something foolish.
Law 5
So Much Depends on Reputation – Guard it with your Life
Reputation is the cornerstone of power. Through reputation alone you can intimidate and win; once you slip, however, you are vulnerable, and will be attacked on all sides. Make your reputation unassailable. Always be alert to potential attacks and thwart them before they happen. Meanwhile, learn to destroy your enemies by opening holes in their own reputations. Then stand aside and let public opinion hang them.
Law 6
Court Attention at all Cost
Everything is judged by its appearance; what is unseen counts for nothing. Never let yourself get lost in the crowd, then, or buried in oblivion. Stand out. Be conspicuous, at all cost. Make yourself a magnet of attention by appearing larger, more colorful, more mysterious, than the bland and timid masses.
Law 7
Get others to do the Work for you, but Always Take the Credit
Use the wisdom, knowledge, and legwork of other people to further your own cause. Not only will such assistance save you valuable time and energy, it will give you a godlike aura of efficiency and speed. In the end your helpers will be forgotten and you will be remembered. Never do yourself what others can do for you.
Law 8
Make other People come to you – use Bait if Necessary
When you force the other person to act, you are the one in control. It is always better to make your opponent come to you, abandoning his own plans in the process. Lure him with fabulous gains – then attack. You hold the cards.
Law 9
Win through your Actions, Never through Argument
Any momentary triumph you think gained through argument is really a Pyrrhic victory: The resentment and ill will you stir up is stronger and lasts longer than any momentary change of opinion. It is much more powerful to get others to agree with you through your actions, without saying a word. Demonstrate, do not explicate.
Law 10
Infection: Avoid the Unhappy and Unlucky
You can die from someone else's misery – emotional states are as infectious as disease. You may feel you are helping the drowning man but you are only precipitating your own disaster. The unfortunate sometimes draw misfortune on themselves; they will also draw it on you. Associate with the happy and fortunate instead.
Law 11
Learn to Keep People Dependent on You
To maintain your independence you must always be needed and wanted. The more you are relied on, the more freedom you have. Make people depend on you for their happiness and prosperity and you have nothing to fear. Never teach them enough so that they can do without you.
Law 12
Use Selective Honesty and Generosity to Disarm your Victim
One sincere and honest move will cover over dozens of dishonest ones. Open-hearted gestures of honesty and generosity bring down the guard of even the most suspicious people. Once your selective honesty opens a hole in their armor, you can deceive and manipulate them at will. A timely gift – a Trojan horse – will serve the same purpose.
Law 13
When Asking for Help, Appeal to People's Self-Interest, Never to their Mercy or Gratitude
If you need to turn to an ally for help, do not bother to remind him of your past assistance and good deeds. He will find a way to ignore you. Instead, uncover something in your request, or in your alliance with him, that will benefit him, and emphasize it out of all proportion. He will respond enthusiastically when he sees something to be gained for himself.
Law 14
Pose as a Friend, Work as a Spy
Knowing about your rival is critical. Use spies to gather valuable information that will keep you a step ahead. Better still: Play the spy yourself. In polite social encounters, learn to probe. Ask indirect questions to get people to reveal their weaknesses and intentions. There is no occasion that is not an opportunity for artful spying.
Law 15
Crush your Enemy Totally
All great leaders since Moses have known that a feared enemy must be crushed completely. (Sometimes they have learned this the hard way.) If one ember is left alight, no matter how dimly it smolders, a fire will eventually break out. More is lost through stopping halfway than through total annihilation: The enemy will recover, and will seek revenge. Crush him, not only in body but in spirit.
Law 16
Use Absence to Increase Respect and Honor
Too much circulation makes the price go down: The more you are seen and heard from, the more common you appear. If you are already established in a group, temporary withdrawal from it will make you more talked about, even more admired. You must learn when to leave. Create value through scarcity.
Law 17
Keep Others in Suspended Terror: Cultivate an Air of Unpredictability
Humans are creatures of habit with an insatiable need to see familiarity in other people's actions. Your predictability gives them a sense of control. Turn the tables: Be deliberately unpredictable. Behavior that seems to have no consistency or purpose will keep them off-balance, and they will wear themselves out trying to explain your moves. Taken to an extreme, this strategy can intimidate and terrorize.
Law 18
Do Not Build Fortresses to Protect Yourself – Isolation is Dangerous
The world is dangerous and enemies are everywhere – everyone has to protect themselves. A fortress seems the safest. But isolation exposes you to more dangers than it protects you from – it cuts you off from valuable information, it makes you conspicuous and an easy target. Better to circulate among people find allies, mingle. You are shielded from your enemies by the crowd.
Law 19
Know Who You're Dealing with – Do Not Offend the Wrong Person
There are many different kinds of people in the world, and you can never assume that everyone will react to your strategies in the same way. Deceive or outmaneuver some people and they will spend the rest of their lives seeking revenge. They are wolves in lambs' clothing. Choose your victims and opponents carefully, then – never offend or deceive the wrong person.
Law 20
Do Not Commit to Anyone
It is the fool who always rushes to take sides. Do not commit to any side or cause but yourself. By maintaining your independence, you become the master of others – playing people against one another, making them pursue you.
Law 21
Play a Sucker to Catch a Sucker – Seem Dumber than your Mark
No one likes feeling stupider than the next persons. The trick, is to make your victims feel smart – and not just smart, but smarter than you are. Once convinced of this, they will never suspect that you may have ulterior motives.
Law 22
Use the Surrender Tactic: Transform Weakness into Power
When you are weaker, never fight for honor's sake; choose surrender instead. Surrender gives you time to recover, time to torment and irritate your conqueror, time to wait for his power to wane. Do not give him the satisfaction of fighting and defeating you – surrender first. By turning the other check you infuriate and unsettle him. Make surrender a tool of power.
Law 23
Concentrate Your Forces
Conserve your forces and energies by keeping them concentrated at their strongest point. You gain more by finding a rich mine and mining it deeper, than by flitting from one shallow mine to another – intensity defeats extensity every time. When looking for sources of power to elevate you, find the one key patron, the fat cow who will give you milk for a long time to come.
Law 24
Play the Perfect Courtier
The perfect courtier thrives in a world where everything revolves around power and political dexterity. He has mastered the art of indirection; he flatters, yields to superiors, and asserts power over others in the mot oblique and graceful manner. Learn and apply the laws of courtiership and there will be no limit to how far you can rise in the court.
Law 25
Re-Create Yourself
Do not accept the roles that society foists on you. Re-create yourself by forging a new identity, one that commands attention and never bores the audience. Be the master of your own image rather than letting others define if for you. Incorporate dramatic devices into your public gestures and actions – your power will be enhanced and your character will seem larger than life.
Law 26
Keep Your Hands Clean
You must seem a paragon of civility and efficiency: Your hands are never soiled by mistakes and nasty deeds. Maintain such a spotless appearance by using others as scapegoats and cat's-paws to disguise your involvement.
Law 27
Play on People's Need to Believe to Create a Cultlike Following
People have an overwhelming desire to believe in something. Become the focal point of such desire by offering them a cause, a new faith to follow. Keep your words vague but full of promise; emphasize enthusiasm over rationality and clear thinking. Give your new disciples rituals to perform, ask them to make sacrifices on your behalf. In the absence of organized religion and grand causes, your new belief system will bring you untold power.
Law 28
Enter Action with Boldness
If you are unsure of a course of action, do not attempt it. Your doubts and hesitations will infect your execution. Timidity is dangerous: Better to enter with boldness. Any mistakes you commit through audacity are easily corrected with more audacity. Everyone admires the bold; no one honors the timid.
Law 29
Plan All the Way to the End
The ending is everything. Plan all the way to it, taking into account all the possible consequences, obstacles, and twists of fortune that might reverse your hard work and give the glory to others. By planning to the end you will not be overwhelmed by circumstances and you will know when to stop. Gently guide fortune and help determine the future by thinking far ahead.
Law 30
Make your Accomplishments Seem Effortless
Your actions must seem natural and executed with ease. All the toil and practice that go into them, and also all the clever tricks, must be concealed. When you act, act effortlessly, as if you could do much more. Avoid the temptation of revealing how hard you work – it only raises questions. Teach no one your tricks or they will be used against you.
Law 31
Control the Options: Get Others to Play with the Cards you Deal
The best deceptions are the ones that seem to give the other person a choice: Your victims feel they are in control, but are actually your puppets. Give people options that come out in your favor whichever one they choose. Force them to make choices between the lesser of two evils, both of which serve your purpose. Put them on the horns of a dilemma: They are gored wherever they turn.
Law 32
Play to People's Fantasies
The truth is often avoided because it is ugly and unpleasant. Never appeal to truth and reality unless you are prepared for the anger that comes for disenchantment. Life is so harsh and distressing that people who can manufacture romance or conjure up fantasy are like oases in the desert: Everyone flocks to them. There is great power in tapping into the fantasies of the masses.
Law 33
Discover Each Man's Thumbscrew
Everyone has a weakness, a gap in the castle wall. That weakness is usually an insecurity, an uncontrollable emotion or need; it can also be a small secret pleasure. Either way, once found, it is a thumbscrew you can turn to your advantage.
Law 34
Be Royal in your Own Fashion: Act like a King to be treated like one
The way you carry yourself will often determine how you are treated; In the long run, appearing vulgar or common will make people disrespect you. For a king respects himself and inspires the same sentiment in others. By acting regally and confident of your powers, you make yourself seem destined to wear a crown.
Law 35
Master the Art of Timing
Never seem to be in a hurry – hurrying betrays a lack of control over yourself, and over time. Always seem patient, as if you know that everything will come to you eventually. Become a detective of the right moment; sniff out the spirit of the times, the trends that will carry you to power. Learn to stand back when the time is not yet ripe, and to strike fiercely when it has reached fruition.
Law 36
Disdain Things you cannot have: Ignoring them is the best Revenge
By acknowledging a petty problem you give it existence and credibility. The more attention you pay an enemy, the stronger you make him; and a small mistake is often made worse and more visible when you try to fix it. It is sometimes best to leave things alone. If there is something you want but cannot have, show contempt for it. The less interest you reveal, the more superior you seem.
Law 37
Create Compelling Spectacles
Striking imagery and grand symbolic gestures create the aura of power – everyone responds to them. Stage spectacles for those around you, then full of arresting visuals and radiant symbols that heighten your presence. Dazzled by appearances, no one will notice what you are really doing.
Law 38
Think as you like but Behave like others
If you make a show of going against the times, flaunting your unconventional ideas and unorthodox ways, people will think that you only want attention and that you look down upon them. They will find a way to punish you for making them feel inferior. It is far safer to blend in and nurture the common touch. Share your originality only with tolerant friends and those who are sure to appreciate your uniqueness.
Law 39
Stir up Waters to Catch Fish
Anger and emotion are strategically counterproductive. You must always stay calm and objective. But if you can make your enemies angry while staying calm yourself, you gain a decided advantage. Put your enemies off-balance: Find the chink in their vanity through which you can rattle them and you hold the strings.
Law 40
Despise the Free Lunch
What is offered for free is dangerous – it usually involves either a trick or a hidden obligation. What has worth is worth paying for. By paying your own way you stay clear of gratitude, guilt, and deceit. It is also often wise to pay the full price – there is no cutting corners with excellence. Be lavish with your money and keep it circulating, for generosity is a sign and a magnet for power.
Law 41
Avoid Stepping into a Great Man's Shoes
What happens first always appears better and more original than what comes after. If you succeed a great man or have a famous parent, you will have to accomplish double their achievements to outshine them. Do not get lost in their shadow, or stuck in a past not of your own making: Establish your own name and identity by changing course. Slay the overbearing father, disparage his legacy, and gain power by shining in your own way.
Law 42
Strike the Shepherd and the Sheep will Scatter
Trouble can often be traced to a single strong individual – the stirrer, the arrogant underling, the poisoned of goodwill. If you allow such people room to operate, others will succumb to their influence. Do not wait for the troubles they cause to multiply, do not try to negotiate with them – they are irredeemable. Neutralize their influence by isolating or banishing them. Strike at the source of the trouble and the sheep will scatter.
Law 43
Work on the Hearts and Minds of Others
Coercion creates a reaction that will eventually work against you. You must seduce others into wanting to move in your direction. A person you have seduced becomes your loyal pawn. And the way to seduce others is to operate on their individual psychologies and weaknesses. Soften up the resistant by working on their emotions, playing on what they hold dear and what they fear. Ignore the hearts and minds of others and they will grow to hate you.
Law 44
Disarm and Infuriate with the Mirror Effect
The mirror reflects reality, but it is also the perfect tool for deception: When you mirror your enemies, doing exactly as they do, they cannot figure out your strategy. The Mirror Effect mocks and humiliates them, making them overreact. By holding up a mirror to their psyches, you seduce them with the illusion that you share their values; by holding up a mirror to their actions, you teach them a lesson. Few can resist the power of Mirror Effect.
Law 45
Preach the Need for Change, but Never Reform too much at Once
Everyone understands the need for change in the abstract, but on the day-to-day level people are creatures of habit. Too much innovation is traumatic, and will lead to revolt. If you are new to a position of power, or an outsider trying to build a power base, make a show of respecting the old way of doing things. If change is necessary, make it feel like a gentle improvement on the past.
Law 46
Never appear too Perfect
Appearing better than others is always dangerous, but most dangerous of all is to appear to have no faults or weaknesses. Envy creates silent enemies. It is smart to occasionally display defects, and admit to harmless vices, in order to deflect envy and appear more human and approachable. Only gods and the dead can seem perfect with impunity.
Law 47
Do not go Past the Mark you Aimed for; In Victory, Learn when to Stop
The moment of victory is often the moment of greatest peril. In the heat of victory, arrogance and overconfidence can push you past the goal you had aimed for, and by going too far, you make more enemies than you defeat. Do not allow success to go to your head. There is no substitute for strategy and careful planning. Set a goal, and when you reach it, stop.
Law 48
Assume Formlessness
By taking a shape, by having a visible plan, you open yourself to attack. Instead of taking a form for your enemy to grasp, keep yourself adaptable and on the move. Accept the fact that nothing is certain and no law is fixed. The best way to protect yourself is to be as fluid and formless as water; never bet on stability or lasting order. Everything changes.
Neutralize Worry Situations
Do you find yourself constantly organizing your life and working to minimize surprises and problems, but can never seem to stay one step ahead? In spite of your best efforts, this is not always possible.
Are you already facing a fear- or worry-inducing situation? Don’t panic. Here are the four steps of what we refer to as the "worry buster."
Clarity is Everything
Step Number One: Define the worry situation clearly in writing - fully half of all problems can be solved just by clearly defining them. Remember, "Accurate diagnosis is half the cure."
Determine the Worst
Step Number Two: Determine the worst possible outcome of the situation. What is the absolute worst that can happen?
Be Willing to Have it So
Step Number Three: Resolve to accept the worst should it occur. The first step in dealing with any negative situation is to be willing to have it so. Once you resolve to accept the worst, your mind will become calm and clear and you'll be ready to take some constructive action.
Crunch Point Plus Bonuses
"21 Secrets Guaranteed to Empower You When You Need It The Most"
Whatever you do in life...unexpected stuff is guaranteed to happen. Will you be ready? Setbacks in your life and your business are unavoidable.
What happens next will determine whether you fail or succeed in meeting your challenge.
Take Action
Step Number Four: The final step is to immediately begin doing everything you possibly can to improve upon the worst.
The Real Antidote to Worry
Remember, worry is merely a sustained form of fear caused by indecision. The only real antidote to worry is purposeful action. Get so busy doing something about your situation that you don't have time to worry. As you take action, your confidence, courage and sense of control will return and wipe away your fears.
Action Exercises
Here are two things you can do to get rid of your worries:
First, make a list, down one side of a page, of all the situations causing you any stress or worry at the moment.
Second, on the other side of the page, write out the worst possible thing that could happen as a result. You'll be amazed to see much of your worry disappear with this exercise.
The Emotional Blackmail Trap
How do you know if someone is using emotional blackmail to get what they want from you?
Use the checklist below to see if your boyfriend/girlfriend is using emotional blackmail to manipulate you.
Do they threaten to make your life difficult if you don't do what they want?
Threaten to end the relationship if you don't do what they want?
Tell you or suggest they may hurt themselves or get depressed if you don't do what they want?
Always want more from you?
Assume you'll always give in to them?
Often ignore your feelings and wants?
Make promises that depend on your behaviour but rarely keep them anyway?
Keep labelling you as selfish, bad, greedy, unfeeling or uncaring when you don't give in to them?
Tell you how wonderful you are when you give in to them, then tell your not when you don't?
Use money as a way to get their own way?
If you can see a pattern in your relationship and the questions above it's really not that uncommon. Unfortunately most of us at one time or another will have been on the wrong end of someone close to manipulating us.
Some of us are more vulnerable to emotional blackmail than others.
When we embark on the relationship roller coaster, we bring our own set of hot buttons, insecurities, anger, resentments, and fears. The problem is when a potential emotional blackmailer figures what our hot buttons are they start to push them, then we react and voila the game is on.
Our compliance in allowing the emotional blackmailer to get what they want, basically means we are rewarding them for their behaviour, and letting them know that can do it again and again.
Fear is a strong basis for emotional blackmail, fear of loss, fear of change, fear of rejection and fear of losing power. Quite often there can be a trigger, loss of a job, divorce, retirement or illness can increase the anxiety and stress in a relationship leading to the person feeling very insecure and then the emotional blackmail can start.
Many of the people who will emotionally blackmail us will be friends, partners, family or colleagues. These are people we want to have close relationships with.
Often the emotional blackmail will leave us feeling off balance, ashamed and guilty, we desperately want to change the situation but don't know how. Worse of all our sense of self worth is eroded.
So how do we stop it?
First give yourself a little time when the demand is made maybe say,
I don't have an answer for you right now, I need some time to think?
This is too important to answer right away, let me think
I'm not making a decision now
I'm not sure how I feel about what your asking, we can discuss it later
Buying some time will give you a little space, if they continue to harass just continue to be strong and buy your time.
Try and detach yourself from the blackmail drama.
Think about the feelings that you are experiencing and what it is that they are asking you to do.
It is hard to stand and say "This is who I am and this is what I want" especially when somebody you love appears to be really hurt by it. Bear in mind you are not being unreasonable in your demand that they stop emotionally blackmailing you, after all we're not asking for anything that will harm either them or us.
Tips for Approaching a Woman You Are Attracted To - 3 Tips to Make It Easier
For a lot of guys, there is nothing in the world that they want to avoid more than having to walk up to a woman they don't know and are attracted to and have to try to come up with something to say to spark a conversation. The truth is that most men never really get that good at this, but the ones who do, they are the ones that tend to have a lot more success with women overall and are a lot more likely to end up with a beautiful girlfriend to spend their nights with. If you want to be able to have that kind of experience, keep reading.
Here are 3 tips that will make approaching a woman you are attracted to a LOT easier:
1. Clear your head of thinking that you have to be absolutely phenomenal at approaching a woman.
The idea that you have to craft the perfect approach keeps most guys from just walking up to a woman and that really is half of the battle. All the time that you might spend on trying to come up with the perfect approach would probably be better served in actually making approaches and getting better as you go along. The reality is that experience is always going to be the best teacher when it comes to making successful approaches.
2. Go out with women instead of men when you want to work on approaching women.
Women are a lot more open and friendly when you approach them IF they see you hanging around other women. They don't feel like they have to go into that defense mode that most women do when they think that a guy is trying to pick them up. That's a good thing and it can make approaching a woman seem so much easier. Even better is that if you are with female friends who are looking out for you, they can give you some pointers on what you might want to work on so that your approaches come across being more natural and more appealing.
3. Don't make the mistake of neglecting the way that you smell.
Smells can be offensive and I don't just mean body odor. Having the wrong cologne on can really turn off a woman or having too much on can also do the same. You want to make sure that when you walk up to a woman, she isn't immediately thinking that you smell bad or you smell like you bathed in a tub of cheap cologne.
When you can build up sexual attraction very quickly with a woman, you can make her want you without a lot of effort.
I'm Still in Love With Him - What Can You Do to Make Him Feel the Same Way?
I'm Still in Love With Him - What Can You Do to Make Him Feel the Same Way?
It's a kind of bittersweet thing to feel like you are still in love with someone, especially when you are no longer together. On the one hand, just the act of feeling like you love someone feels good, and on the other hand, knowing that you are not with that person can feel really bad. If there is a guy you feel like you are still in love with and you want to know how to make him feel the same way, pay close attention. There are some things that you can do that will help to influence him to have those same feelings that you are having right now.
Here are some things that will help if you are still in love with a guy and you want to make him feel the same way about you:
1. You have to first think about the situation realistically to determine if it is really love that you are feeling.
Sometimes it can become hard to recognize whether or not it is truly love that you feel for someone that you are no longer with. Being able to figure out how you really feel about him is important, because you don't want to end up wasting time and effort on making him feel the same way about you only to realize that it really wasn't love that you were feeling in the first place.
2. You have to make him feel like he is really attracted to you again.
The more attracted to you that he feels, the more likely that the feelings of being in love with you are going to blossom. Guys are really visually oriented when it comes to attraction, so as cliche as it might sound, you want to make sure that you look your best when you see him. The more that he is visually attracted to you, the more likely it is that he will start to have an emotional attraction to you as well.
3. You want to get inside his mind a little bit so that you know exactly what it is that will make him fall in love with you again.
The more you know about what it is that will make him fall in love, the easier it is going to be to make him actually feel that way. The good thing is that since you already know some things about him, it won't be that hard to put yourself in his shoes so that you can get a peak inside his mind to see what it really will take to make him fall for you again.
If you are struggling with trying to make him love you again, then you need to really know what works and what does not.
It's a kind of bittersweet thing to feel like you are still in love with someone, especially when you are no longer together. On the one hand, just the act of feeling like you love someone feels good, and on the other hand, knowing that you are not with that person can feel really bad. If there is a guy you feel like you are still in love with and you want to know how to make him feel the same way, pay close attention. There are some things that you can do that will help to influence him to have those same feelings that you are having right now.
Here are some things that will help if you are still in love with a guy and you want to make him feel the same way about you:
1. You have to first think about the situation realistically to determine if it is really love that you are feeling.
Sometimes it can become hard to recognize whether or not it is truly love that you feel for someone that you are no longer with. Being able to figure out how you really feel about him is important, because you don't want to end up wasting time and effort on making him feel the same way about you only to realize that it really wasn't love that you were feeling in the first place.
2. You have to make him feel like he is really attracted to you again.
The more attracted to you that he feels, the more likely that the feelings of being in love with you are going to blossom. Guys are really visually oriented when it comes to attraction, so as cliche as it might sound, you want to make sure that you look your best when you see him. The more that he is visually attracted to you, the more likely it is that he will start to have an emotional attraction to you as well.
3. You want to get inside his mind a little bit so that you know exactly what it is that will make him fall in love with you again.
The more you know about what it is that will make him fall in love, the easier it is going to be to make him actually feel that way. The good thing is that since you already know some things about him, it won't be that hard to put yourself in his shoes so that you can get a peak inside his mind to see what it really will take to make him fall for you again.
If you are struggling with trying to make him love you again, then you need to really know what works and what does not.
50 Most Romantic Things To Do With Your Girlfriend/boyfriend
Watch the sunset together.
Whisper to each other.
Cook for each other.
Walk in the rain.
Hold hands.
Buy gifts for each other.
Roses.
Find out their favorite cologne/perfume and wear it every time you're together.
Go for a long walk down the beach at midnight.
Write poetry for each other
Hugs are the universal medicine.
Say I love you, only when you mean it and make sure they know you mean it.
Give random gifts of flowers/candy/ poetry etc.
Tell her that she's the only girl you ever want. Do not lie.
Spend every second possible together .
Look into each other's eyes.
Very lightly push up her chin, look into her eyes, tell her you love her, and kiss her lightly.
When in public, don't flirt with each other.
Put love notes in their pockets when they aren't looking.
Buy her a ring.
Sing to each other.
Always hold her around her hips/sides.
Take her to dinner and do the dinner for two deal.
Spaghetti? (Ever see Lady and the Tramp?)
Hold her hand, stare into her eyes, kiss her hand and then put it over your heart.
Dance together.
Let your girl fall asleep with her head in your lap.
(It looks real cute)
Do cute things like write I love you in a note so that they have to look in a mirror to read it.
Make excuses to call them every 5 minutes
Even if you are really busy doing something, go out of your way to call and say I love you.
Call from your vacation spot to tell them you were thinking about them.
Remember your dreams and tell her about them.
Always tell her how pretty she looks.
Tell each other your most sacred secrets/fears.
Be Prince Charming to her parents.(Brownie Points)
Brush her hair out of her face for her.
Hang out with his/her friends. (more brownie points)
Go to church/pray/ worship together.
Take her to see a romantic movie and remember the parts she liked.
Learn from each other and don't make the same mistake twice.
Describe the joy you feel just to be with him/her.
Make sacrifices for each other.
Really love each other, or don't stay together.
Let there never be a second during any given day that you aren't thinking about them, and make sure they know it.
Love yourself before you love anyone else.
Learn to say sweet things in foreign languages.
Dedicate songs to them on the radio.
Fall asleep on the phone with each other.
Stand up for them when someone talks trash.
Never forget the kiss goodnight. And always remember to say,
"Sweet dreams."
Whisper to each other.
Cook for each other.
Walk in the rain.
Hold hands.
Buy gifts for each other.
Roses.
Find out their favorite cologne/perfume and wear it every time you're together.
Go for a long walk down the beach at midnight.
Write poetry for each other
Hugs are the universal medicine.
Say I love you, only when you mean it and make sure they know you mean it.
Give random gifts of flowers/candy/ poetry etc.
Tell her that she's the only girl you ever want. Do not lie.
Spend every second possible together .
Look into each other's eyes.
Very lightly push up her chin, look into her eyes, tell her you love her, and kiss her lightly.
When in public, don't flirt with each other.
Put love notes in their pockets when they aren't looking.
Buy her a ring.
Sing to each other.
Always hold her around her hips/sides.
Take her to dinner and do the dinner for two deal.
Spaghetti? (Ever see Lady and the Tramp?)
Hold her hand, stare into her eyes, kiss her hand and then put it over your heart.
Dance together.
Let your girl fall asleep with her head in your lap.
(It looks real cute)
Do cute things like write I love you in a note so that they have to look in a mirror to read it.
Make excuses to call them every 5 minutes
Even if you are really busy doing something, go out of your way to call and say I love you.
Call from your vacation spot to tell them you were thinking about them.
Remember your dreams and tell her about them.
Always tell her how pretty she looks.
Tell each other your most sacred secrets/fears.
Be Prince Charming to her parents.(Brownie Points)
Brush her hair out of her face for her.
Hang out with his/her friends. (more brownie points)
Go to church/pray/ worship together.
Take her to see a romantic movie and remember the parts she liked.
Learn from each other and don't make the same mistake twice.
Describe the joy you feel just to be with him/her.
Make sacrifices for each other.
Really love each other, or don't stay together.
Let there never be a second during any given day that you aren't thinking about them, and make sure they know it.
Love yourself before you love anyone else.
Learn to say sweet things in foreign languages.
Dedicate songs to them on the radio.
Fall asleep on the phone with each other.
Stand up for them when someone talks trash.
Never forget the kiss goodnight. And always remember to say,
"Sweet dreams."
Benefits of Sex That You May Not Know
Benefits of Sex That You May Not Know
Apart from the obvious benefits of sex there are a few other benefits that you may not have heard of. And let's be honest, who does want more reasons to desire this physical activity.
1. Sex actually boosts the immune system. During sex your level of a specific antibody, called Immunoglobulin A, is drastically increased. This antibody can actually protect your susceptibility to common infections, such as colds.
2. The most pleasurable way to exercise. Having sex is a great form of exercise that can burn off those unwanted calories instead of struggling to stick to those unfavorable fad diets. At least with this particular exercise you can have fun doing it!
3. Sex can actually reduce other pains, including headaches, swelling from arthritis, and menstral cramps. During and after climax our bodies naturally produce oxytocin which is great for reducing bodily pains caused by headaches and more.
4. A better night's sleep. The oxytocin we discusses above also works as a sleep agent. This physical activity makes our body more relaxed and provides a calming effect with the release of oxytocin that will help you fall asleep quicker and have a sound night of rest.
5. Sex helps your brain work better. Having sex on a regular basis actually increases your alterness and heightens your learning ability. Sex specifically helps brain cells grow in your hippocampous which is the area in your brain that is responsible for both learning and memory.
6. A whiter, brighter smile. Huh... semen actually contains levels of zinc, calcium, and other minerals that are proven to fight tooth decay.
7. Control your bathroom breaks. Sex exercises and builds up muscle in the pelvis floor region of women. This actually helps to support the uterus, bladder, and bowel allowing you to better control the bathroom urge more often.
8. Sex slows the aging process. Having lots more allows for the production of more testosterone. This testosterone is used in our body to help rebuild bones and make them stronger. Stronger bones helps us to look younger and slows down the aging process.
9. Sex can improve your sense of smell. Post sex your body's production of the hormone prolactin surges. This causes stem cells in the brain to develop new neurons in it's olfactory bulb, aka its smell center.
10. Reduce your anxiety. The relaxing quality of having sex helps to reduce your blood pressure and anxiety in pressuring situations, such as public speaking.
Not that you really needed more reasons to justify wanting to have sex... these ten reasons are sure to help convince your partner that sex is a necessity.
Apart from the obvious benefits of sex there are a few other benefits that you may not have heard of. And let's be honest, who does want more reasons to desire this physical activity.
1. Sex actually boosts the immune system. During sex your level of a specific antibody, called Immunoglobulin A, is drastically increased. This antibody can actually protect your susceptibility to common infections, such as colds.
2. The most pleasurable way to exercise. Having sex is a great form of exercise that can burn off those unwanted calories instead of struggling to stick to those unfavorable fad diets. At least with this particular exercise you can have fun doing it!
3. Sex can actually reduce other pains, including headaches, swelling from arthritis, and menstral cramps. During and after climax our bodies naturally produce oxytocin which is great for reducing bodily pains caused by headaches and more.
4. A better night's sleep. The oxytocin we discusses above also works as a sleep agent. This physical activity makes our body more relaxed and provides a calming effect with the release of oxytocin that will help you fall asleep quicker and have a sound night of rest.
5. Sex helps your brain work better. Having sex on a regular basis actually increases your alterness and heightens your learning ability. Sex specifically helps brain cells grow in your hippocampous which is the area in your brain that is responsible for both learning and memory.
6. A whiter, brighter smile. Huh... semen actually contains levels of zinc, calcium, and other minerals that are proven to fight tooth decay.
7. Control your bathroom breaks. Sex exercises and builds up muscle in the pelvis floor region of women. This actually helps to support the uterus, bladder, and bowel allowing you to better control the bathroom urge more often.
8. Sex slows the aging process. Having lots more allows for the production of more testosterone. This testosterone is used in our body to help rebuild bones and make them stronger. Stronger bones helps us to look younger and slows down the aging process.
9. Sex can improve your sense of smell. Post sex your body's production of the hormone prolactin surges. This causes stem cells in the brain to develop new neurons in it's olfactory bulb, aka its smell center.
10. Reduce your anxiety. The relaxing quality of having sex helps to reduce your blood pressure and anxiety in pressuring situations, such as public speaking.
Not that you really needed more reasons to justify wanting to have sex... these ten reasons are sure to help convince your partner that sex is a necessity.
A Woman's Guide to Capture Hearts of Men
A Woman's Guide to Capture Hearts of Men
It Is About Being Confident
Women always stay in the dilemma as to how to impress men and get their attention. You must remember that men definitely like confident woman but not the ones who are dominant.
Every man looks for in a woman two main elements.
The First One Is The Appearance And The Other Is The Attitude.
Appearance should not be mistaken with looking pretty. Even a woman who is not so pretty can look attractive if he carries herself properly.
A sexy dress, a nice hairdo, and a pair of high heels can sweep the floor beneath a man. If the woman is really looking forward to blow a man's mind, the she ought to have the right attitude.
Irrespective of a serious or a causal relationship and irrespective of a platonic or a romantic relationship, you must be the best part of it.
Not the Age, But the Beauty - The First Key to a Man's Arena
It is often mistaken that an old woman is no more attractive. The truth is age does not really matter. All that matters is the way a woman carries herself.
Old women are many a times the fantasy of many young lads. These women with their persona and charm leave behind all skinny chicks and bimbos who think that they are excessively hot to be handled.
The Right Attitude - The Real Key to Keep Him Forever
A woman should have an attitude, which will make her shine among all other mortals. Ever woman should feel beautiful within and should learn to accept herself even with all the flaws she has. Only when a woman is successful in loving herself, men will tend to love them more.
A confident and smart woman always gets an upper hand over a woman who is not so confident. Every woman should also have a humor hidden in herself. A fun loving woman is always a man's first priority than a whiny woman who is always sad and upset.
Maturity and Sensibility
Men always look for mature women (and have the hidden childish quotient in them visible only to him). A woman who can handle problems and fights sensibly and with maturity will always top the list of men. Every relationship has high and lows, so do the relationship of men and women. Shouting, whining and being pitiful will not really resolve the situation. Instead, it will just withdraw the attention of men from this woman.
Just the Right Amount of Drama
This is the time when a woman should be tough and matured. She should know when to stop. She should know how to remain composed and take things in her stride. (Honey that is what your girlfriends are for)
There are no specific guidelines, which a woman can follow to impress all the men. All that she needs to do is to be confident and things will automatically fall in place.
What more...
Well, use your common sense. What would you desire in your wife (if you were a man?)
She should be good with his parents
Should be able to love his children
Above all, should love him unconditionally and more than everyone else and love just him.
Oh, yes! Men are as sensitive as women are. They need love (and SEX even more).
He wants a SEXY you OR a Loving you?
Surprise! He wants you. He wants you to be his pride, his possessed trophy in front of the world (it boosts his ego - YES!) but he wants his partner with whom he can share quality time (mental games).
He is not interested in your matching lingerie or your Smokey eyes in the bedroom. He is interested in the sexy you.
Be appealing and sexy when you are representing him in front of the world BUT be playful when he is with you in your world. You Are the Game He Wants To Play and You Are the Wit He Wants To Giggle At.
He is ALWAYS Right
No, he is not always right. He is a human being and is as flawed as any other human being is but he expects his wife, girlfriend, or just his girl to be by his side irrespective of the reality.
He may be right or He may be wrong but you mush be by his side - ALWAYS.
His Pillar of Strength
Men prefer women who are not just confident but also who are intelligent (not more than him though. Do not try to outsmart him).
They prefer the strong you and they love that you be his pillar of strength. Men do not like the 'pitiful' girls. Be self-supporting and a woman who can stand for herself always.
Give him his space and do not try to support him when he is in his personal zone. Just let him be and let him know you are there for him whenever he ever needs you.
Let Him Know - He Means
Appreciate his being there in your life. Men want you to appreciate their presence in your world. This appreciation has to be an honest one; the fake one will not last long, darling!
Be Actually Grateful For Him Being There For You and/or Him Being a Part of Your Life.
Are you those women that men want?
To maintain healthy relationships is an art and all relationships need to be nurtured. If your a genuine human being, can carry yourself as an attractive persona and right amount of confidence, appreciate life and are here to life it totally - You are what every man wants.
It Is About Being Confident
Women always stay in the dilemma as to how to impress men and get their attention. You must remember that men definitely like confident woman but not the ones who are dominant.
Every man looks for in a woman two main elements.
The First One Is The Appearance And The Other Is The Attitude.
Appearance should not be mistaken with looking pretty. Even a woman who is not so pretty can look attractive if he carries herself properly.
A sexy dress, a nice hairdo, and a pair of high heels can sweep the floor beneath a man. If the woman is really looking forward to blow a man's mind, the she ought to have the right attitude.
Irrespective of a serious or a causal relationship and irrespective of a platonic or a romantic relationship, you must be the best part of it.
Not the Age, But the Beauty - The First Key to a Man's Arena
It is often mistaken that an old woman is no more attractive. The truth is age does not really matter. All that matters is the way a woman carries herself.
Old women are many a times the fantasy of many young lads. These women with their persona and charm leave behind all skinny chicks and bimbos who think that they are excessively hot to be handled.
The Right Attitude - The Real Key to Keep Him Forever
A woman should have an attitude, which will make her shine among all other mortals. Ever woman should feel beautiful within and should learn to accept herself even with all the flaws she has. Only when a woman is successful in loving herself, men will tend to love them more.
A confident and smart woman always gets an upper hand over a woman who is not so confident. Every woman should also have a humor hidden in herself. A fun loving woman is always a man's first priority than a whiny woman who is always sad and upset.
Maturity and Sensibility
Men always look for mature women (and have the hidden childish quotient in them visible only to him). A woman who can handle problems and fights sensibly and with maturity will always top the list of men. Every relationship has high and lows, so do the relationship of men and women. Shouting, whining and being pitiful will not really resolve the situation. Instead, it will just withdraw the attention of men from this woman.
Just the Right Amount of Drama
This is the time when a woman should be tough and matured. She should know when to stop. She should know how to remain composed and take things in her stride. (Honey that is what your girlfriends are for)
There are no specific guidelines, which a woman can follow to impress all the men. All that she needs to do is to be confident and things will automatically fall in place.
What more...
Well, use your common sense. What would you desire in your wife (if you were a man?)
She should be good with his parents
Should be able to love his children
Above all, should love him unconditionally and more than everyone else and love just him.
Oh, yes! Men are as sensitive as women are. They need love (and SEX even more).
He wants a SEXY you OR a Loving you?
Surprise! He wants you. He wants you to be his pride, his possessed trophy in front of the world (it boosts his ego - YES!) but he wants his partner with whom he can share quality time (mental games).
He is not interested in your matching lingerie or your Smokey eyes in the bedroom. He is interested in the sexy you.
Be appealing and sexy when you are representing him in front of the world BUT be playful when he is with you in your world. You Are the Game He Wants To Play and You Are the Wit He Wants To Giggle At.
He is ALWAYS Right
No, he is not always right. He is a human being and is as flawed as any other human being is but he expects his wife, girlfriend, or just his girl to be by his side irrespective of the reality.
He may be right or He may be wrong but you mush be by his side - ALWAYS.
His Pillar of Strength
Men prefer women who are not just confident but also who are intelligent (not more than him though. Do not try to outsmart him).
They prefer the strong you and they love that you be his pillar of strength. Men do not like the 'pitiful' girls. Be self-supporting and a woman who can stand for herself always.
Give him his space and do not try to support him when he is in his personal zone. Just let him be and let him know you are there for him whenever he ever needs you.
Let Him Know - He Means
Appreciate his being there in your life. Men want you to appreciate their presence in your world. This appreciation has to be an honest one; the fake one will not last long, darling!
Be Actually Grateful For Him Being There For You and/or Him Being a Part of Your Life.
Are you those women that men want?
To maintain healthy relationships is an art and all relationships need to be nurtured. If your a genuine human being, can carry yourself as an attractive persona and right amount of confidence, appreciate life and are here to life it totally - You are what every man wants.
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